Anxiety, swimming and letting go...

My friend Rachael and I were chatting the other day, and sometimes talking to her is like a confessional – she’s one of those friends you can tell anything to and it’s kind of, well, therapeutic. So we were covering all the random topics we tend to, toilets, weird words like weenis, basketball games and violin lessons, then we got to anxiety. Ohhh, that’s a big one. Because it’s everywhere.  It’s in me, it’s in her – it’s in our kids and in our daily life. I once a read a statistic that stuck with me, about 8% of kids suffer from some sort of anxiety; I would wager in our area it’s much higher.

Anxiety is tough. How much is too much? When do you worry about your worries? When do you let them go? Many a mom knows the empathetic feeling of that quick read in the moments that her kid is walking off the bus or to the car. We do a covert scan – are they smiling, do they look nervous, what was their day like? Happy? Sad? Anxious? Were there boy problems, girl problems, teacher problems, academic problems….? Then we can react accordingly. We can sooth them or say suck it up. We can say, yes, that sounds awful or maybe you could try to be a little more empathetic yourself.

Oddly enough, I just read this in Alea’s swim newsletter taken from Dr. Aimee Kimball, about zenning your thoughts. And we have a lot of thoughts in our house….boy do we! Though this in reference to swimming, I think it can be taken to just about any facet of our life, especially our general well being.

Accept and Release

 If you've ever taken yoga, instructors often teach you to focus on your breath or the muscle you are working. Zen thinking is very similar. Basically, if you have a thought that is irrelevant to your race/practice or detrimental to your performance, you don't judge it or dwell on it, you accept it as simply a thought and then let it pass quickly through your mind, returning your focus to the task at hand. For example, if you say to yourself, "What if I don't win? These other swimmers are just as good as I am," you wouldn't want to follow that by thinking, "Why am I thinking that?!?! I should be confident!! Maybe I really won't win. What would others say?...". Instead, you simply accept you had a thought, imagine it departing from your head, and focus on your breath/race/clear your mind. Don't give thoughts extra energy unless you want them to stick around.

I love this. We waste time on negative, irrational thoughts and so much energy. If only we could let them go so easily. But, really, why can’t we work on the letting go just like other activities. I work on my back hand in tennis and my forward fold in yoga. Alea works on her breast stroke and dive in swim and Kiyah on her double pirouette. So why not take the mental effort to work on letting the thoughts go. Mind you, there’s a big difference in letting them go and trying to rid yourself of them. For many of us, the thoughts are part of us, regardless of what they may be about. But they take us over when we give validity to them. I love this piece and how it advises the swimmer (or anyone) to accept the fact that the thought exists, and then let it go. Whether you imagine it leaving by giving it some sort of visual (putting it in an envelope and sending it far, far away) or physically throw or blow it away or even say something to it to bid it good-bye like (Ok, Thought, time for you to go) – let it go.

Believe me, I’m not making light of anxiety or repetitive thoughts- these can be scary, scary challenges. But I do think what has worked a little in my house at least is to acknowledge what’s going on. Don’t be afraid or ashamed, and then shoo it along.

Snow Days and Dr. Seuss

It’s 8 AM on the first back to school after winter break. Here I am, sipping coffee in the quiet house, gazing outside into the oh so cold morning (record breaking cold at that) and the kids, wait, the kids are still upstairs asleep. Because of that record breaking cold, we get one more day of winter break.

I’ve discovered there are two schools of moms out there when it comes to snow days, cold days, weather days – no matter what you want to call them – two schools exist. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out, either, just take a look at Facebook. That’s where you’ll find the pleas of the one group of moms begging the schools to take their children back, “Why close schools in single digit weather, that’s babying the kids,” they cry. Do they forget that not all kids get driven to school and some wait for the bus (unattended) in the wee, cold, dark hours of the morning? Do they forget not all southern kids have North Face jackets and enough winter gear to keep them safe on that wait?

The other side consists of the moms who relish the time their kids are home. They’ll bake cookies and create Pinterest worthy crafts, or maybe take 6 girls out to lunch or have a football game in their basement for the neighborhood boys, feeding them bowls of homemade chili. Or maybe some make up this side who just want more day to sleep in, avoid the rush for a bit longer and have another homework free night. Either way, they are the ones who send their county thank you’s via Facebook when the school closing announcements go viral.

So yes, another day of winter break. I love it when I’m up first and can savor those few moments of sleeping kids and quiet house. Right now, I climbed over boxes of Christmas decorations, remnant needles from the Christmas tree and laundry baskets full of clean pajamas to get to my computer without spilling my coffee. I’ll take this so called snowless snow day and enjoy one last day of winter break. Maybe the girls will clean their rooms or get an edge up on studying for what’s yet to come. Probably not. I doubt we will make that Pinterest craft, either. Well, maybe Kiyah will…And those days, even those snow days, of PBSkids and early bedtimes are long gone. There will be dance class and swim practice tonight regardless of closed schools and single digit temps. I’ll still have to hurry someone along and make sure bags are ready for the early morning tomorrow. But one more day, ahhhh…..thank you!

I’ll still be a tiny bit sad when I look at the boxes of Christmas decorations that it seemed we just took out. Will there still be excitement next year to decorate and pull each ornament out of the box and hang it on the tree? Sometimes I feel like time is a big game and we’ve got to learn how to play it the best way, savoring all of that time in between turns, even when it’s not your own or something exciting isn’t happening in the game. Time goes so fast, just like winter break, so an extra few minutes to play is welcome. They’ll get back to school, Moms, no matter which camp you’re in, don’t worry.

And I love this quote, it’s been playing a lot in my head these past couple of days as the holidays and 2013 have ended… as Dr Seuss says, “"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

So you probably figured out I’m in school two of the winter storm days…I love an extra cold day with my girls at home.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! (So I'm just a week late...)
May this year bring you all good health, beautiful moments and a grateful heart.

Writey Mom Here We Go...

I read a lot of  blogs out there and learn something from them all. Maybe it’s a new clean recipe or that I can spray paint just about anything, or that everyone loves their kids a ton and that most mom writers think their house is the wackiest of all. I read of the challenges and the expectations and the mistakes and the successes moms make. And then I gain that we are all out here trying to do the best we can, through it all, big and small - skinned knees, tears over not making a team, birthday excitement, mean friends, laughter over a pet’s antics, illness, pride and love… Whether we work in a fabulous office using the degree we hard earned or we work our asses off at home and never make a penny, we are all trying our best and figuring it out as we go. My daily mantra is wherever you are whatever you do, be happy with it.

Sometimes the mommy blogs bug me (can I be honest here). Sure, we’re all trying to do our best, but some of those bloggers make their imperfections seem so….cutesy? And let me tell you, I don’t like cutesy. Now, since we are just getting to know each other, please know I’m very positive. I practice yoga regularly, believe in the total benefits wholeheartedly and strive to keep my glass half full. I make an effort to see the best in people and try to help my family to do the same. But I don’t like cutesy. I’m done with preschool – my kids are 12 and 14. It’s not cute and sweet that my house is often messy – I can call it creative, but that’s just bullshit, I just need to get off the computer and clean it up. Oh wait, I’m digressing a bit too much, and sounding more snarky than positive, so….back to mommy blogs and my positivity. I also get a little bugged when I read blogs that are…can I say pretentious? Sure, I can make a conversational reference to NPR and hope someone gets it, or discuss the character flaws of Jay Gatsby, but I also really like The Walking Dead and a good zombie killing, and I’m listening to the Glee station on Pandora right now, not the symphony station (because then my narcolepsy may kick in).

Often I admire the women who write the blogs with their optimistic, mindful grateful and realistic POVs and they inspire me to blog, too. I see similarities to my family and myself and want to call these writers and chat while I unload the dishwasher. When women can share their lives with others, it enriches us all. I remember my mother’s generation didn’t talk about things like their daughter’s period or OCD or pubic hair. But those things (and all the other things life throws our way) are reality and it helps to talk it out (believe it or not, this isn’t a digression). My goal for this blog is not to sound better than anyone or make anyone feel less inferior like I know it all and do it all oh, so lovely. My goal is to share what I know, which is only what I’ve learned from my own experience and hopefully learn from my readers in return, because I know hashing things out with my friends is one of the most helpful parts of parenting. We all do things differently, whether we sit with our kids when they do homework or we do it for them or we don’t even know they have homework, but our insights can be helpful. I have 2 girls and have no idea how teenage boys think, but my girls sure want to know so that’s where my friend with 2 boys can help. As moms, we can offer insight; we can offer support and encouragement, even though our methods may be different. We should leave the judging out, because unless we have walked in someone else’s shoes (or got fed up with over zealous cutesy-ness and condescending pretension), we never know what anyone else is really experiencing. 

For the past 3 years, my friend Rachael and I have talked about writing about our mom experiences, because it’s way better than fiction and keeps us laughing till we almost pee, and on our toes – keeps us on our toes, I mean – not peeing on them. My plan is to rope her in to join me on this adventure, and I hope many of you stick around, too.

So here we go, a kind of chronicling, sharing, laughing, unbelieving and forever hopeful blog to begin – remember I like reality, but it’s still all just a big ol’ adventure, right? Let’s go!  

About Me

About the blogger

Hi! I’m Heather, a freelance writer and happy mom who dabbles here and there with trying to figure out what I should have majored in oh so very long ago. My priorities center around my family – Wayne, my patient and single tasking husband of 23 years (!), Alea (14), my pretty, swimmer, math nerd, Kiyah (12), the ever cynical, but fun loving, adorable, techy dancer, and Nala, our always entertaining golden retriever. I am often driving to and fro, cooking something (which means driving to and fro from Whole Foods) for my hungry family, overseeing homework, and pestering everyone to move along and get it done, with some good laughs strewn throughout. I love yoga and the whole body and soul mindfulness it offers, plus yoga pants should be 90% of acceptable wardrobe. I’m happy to talk my overstressed friends down, and to call on them for the same thing. I see the importance in staying positive, being grateful, enjoying the moment and choosing your battles. Oh yea – Likes – Zombies, chocolate, chia seeds, yoga and medieval time travel romances. Dislikes – first world complaints, mean people and truffle oil.